Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. ~ George Bernard Shaw


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The One...

The One...

posted by Dave Dame date-icon January 20, 2011

Dating is never easy. After a number of years of being in relationships ranging from weeks to years, and women at both extremes; either sexually adventurous women that wanted to add a 'crip' to their checklist or women that needed to feel needed so bad, they acted like a personal support worker as opposed to a soul mate. So I decided to give online dating a try. My profile was pretty straightforward, 30 something professional with Cerebral Palsy… I figured being open would discard people that could not accept someone with CP. When we eventually met I could not say, “Funniest thing happened right before you came…I came down with the Palsy”.

I immediately filtered out any profile without a picture or had a ‘glamour shot’ picture. I quickly came to discover that Glamour Shots was fool’s gold. I came across the profile that would change the rest of my life…I came across the one that someday would become my wife.

We began chatting on the phone everyday for a month. Her 3rd question out of the gate was “Can you have sex?”…I like the way she was thinking from the start! As you all know from my previous post of Davey Day, all is good under the hood. As a side, it’s funny how many people ask my wife if we can have sex. Her response always is “Do you think I would have married him if he couldn’t?” To think I thought it was my charm & wit that hooked her…

We shared a lot of intimate & heart-warming conversations about ourselves. After a month we planned our first date. In excitement we moved our date up a day, as we really wanted to see each other in person.

We planned to have her pick me up at my mom’s place. To provide a little background, I was staying at my mother’s place at the time because there was 2 months in between the closing of my 1st house until I got possession of my 2nd house.

We finally saw each other face to face. This amazing lady is real. After a brief chat and introducing her to my mom…we were on our way. Like other first dates I had to give her a crash course in ‘Davey 101’. This included how to walk Davey, fold his chair to put it into the car etc. I wined and dined her by taking her to Kelsey’s. That’s right…I’m frugal! As she was helping me back into the car I decided to plant a first kiss as we were standing (I knew at my mom’s there would be no ‘alone’ time). Either she was going to kiss me back or let me fall to the ground. Luckily for me she didn’t think she could pick me back up. After the date we confirmed plans to get together the following night.

The following day we called each other as we always did over the past month. This time however, she was crying. She said that me having a disability would be too much for her to accept, that she needed someone who was more independent and could take care of her. This was difficult for me to hear. I reminded her that I already have lived on my own for 10 years where she had never left her nest at home. I thought it was totally unfair for her to judge me about independence. She expressed interest to ‘still be friends’. My response was ‘I already have a surplus as friends so if we were not going to progress beyond friendship then I wish her well in her search for her special someone’. Despite being calm and cool on the phone I was broken up inside. I had a number of relationships before but she was different…she was already in my heart. Despite my feelings of anger, sadness, and emptiness I had to put my clown face on to shield my mom from my pain. I knew while growing up that my mom would be devastated when she would see me frustrated and angry when my disability would negatively impact me from life’s pleasures.

Two days went by without speaking. Then she called. She said I was already in her heart and would love to see me again. The prince, on a power chair as opposed to a horse, rode off with his princess.

Neither of us is perfect…but we are perfect for each other.

Until next time…